Who Are You? Identity, Story, and Change Late in Life
These sessions are about identity. Our exploration will draw on fiction and nonfiction to deepen our understanding of how identities develop, are experienced, and are transformed, especially as we age. The bias here is to view identity as an evolving life story that people construct about themselves.
Together, we will consider questions such as: How do we define identity? How does identity change and not change as we age? Who are we as a character? What role do others play in shaping our identities? Is Artificial Intelligence changing our identities? This course provides opportunities for personal reflection and disclosure. You're always welcome to limit your participation to what feels comfortable.
At the end of these sessions, you will be able to:
Analyze yourself from inherited, performed, and embodied perspectives.
Analyze identities as continuous, adaptable, distinctive, and under one’s control.
Describe how stories function in a person’s life.
Determine how your identity is shaped through interactions with others.
Write an obituary, essay, or other literary work about identities.
The ongoing assignment: Develop a literary work about your identity. A few options are: (1) Write your obituary (see the Hagerty book), (2) Write an essay exploring how you, as the narrator of now, see yourself in the past (see the NYT Modern Love articles “Letters to My Younger Self”), (3) Write a character sketch answering the question Who Am I? (see the various craft articles) (4) Write autobiographically (I’ll give you prompts).
You’ll have an opportunity to share your writing to the extent you are comfortable doing so.
Try to purchase the following books from Main Street Books in Davidson, NC. Also, these books are available from the library:
Required (in order we’ll discuss them):
Shapiro, Dani. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love. (Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group, 2020).
Hagerty, James. Yours Truly: An Obituary Writer's Guide to Telling Your Story. (Citadel, 2022)
Cisneros, Sandra. The House on Mango Street. (Knopf, 1994)
Sedaris, David. The Land and Its People. (Little, Brown & Co., 2026)
Backman, Fredrick. A Man Called Ove. (Simon & Schuster, 2015)
Optional:
Chang, Victoria. Obit. (Copper Canyon Press, 2020)
Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection. (Random House, 2020).
Buber, Martin. I and Thou. (Must Have Books, 2021). Translated by Ronald Gregor Smith.
Eakin, Paul John. How Our Lives Become Stories. (Cornell University Press, 1999). This is somewhat theoretical, yet parts of it are useful for writing your story.
Morrison, Toni. Recitatif. (Alfred A. Knopf, 2024). Morrison’s short story (from 1983) is reprinted here. The book contains an introduction by Zadie Smith.
Sante, Lucy. I Heard Her Call My Name: A Memoir of Transition. (Penguin, 2024).
Sedaris, David. Calypso (Little, Brown & Co., 2018).
NOTE: Session readings are in priority order for our session discussions, in case you can’t complete all of them.
Session 1: What do we mean by “identity”? You as a Character.
Identity as something lived, narrated, and changing over time. What is a shared language for identity, and how can we use it to understand ourselves?
Readings and More:
Shapiro, Dani. Inheritance: A Memoir of Genealogy, Paternity, and Love.
A DNA test upends Shapiro’s assumptions about family, belonging, and who she is, making identity and story explicitly visible and debatable.
Pollan, Michael. Chapter 4: “Self.” In Pollan, Michael. A World Appears: A Journey into Consciousness. (Penguin Press, 2026) pp. 175-226.
Brown, Brené. The Power of Vulnerability. Ted Talk. June 2010.
Handscombe, Elisabeth. “Getting On: Ageing, shame, and death,” The Stockholm Review of Literature. July 11, 2020.
If You Have Time:
Sedacca, Matthew. “How Aging Shapes Narrative Identity.” Natulis. August 22, 2019.
Eakin, Paul John. Chapter 3: “Storied Selves: Identity Through Self-Narration.” In Eakin, Paul John. How Our Lives Become Stories. (Cornell University Press, 1999) pp. 99-141.
Walcott, Derek. "Love After Love."
Listen: Unstoppable by Sia
Listen to Krys Boyd podcasts: July 17 with Michael Pollen about his book A World Appears. Also the podcast of July 13 with David Sedaris on the absurdity of aging.
Nazari, Mohammed. “Identity: Created or Inherited.” Ted Talk. May 3, 2017.
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
What is identity?
How do we separate identity from self, persona, individual, and self-identity?
Imagine a few sentences you could add to your life’s story based on this session’s readings.
What was the time when your sense of yourself changed?
Start drafting your literary work.
NOTE: One participant will take the lead on each book or film for Sessions 2-6. Each person will suggest discussion questions and prepare an author resume. Consider which session you might want to co-lead with me. We’ll make selections during this first session.
Session 2: Inherited
How do names, language, and heritage shape who you are and where you belong?
Readings and More:
Cisneros, Sandra. The House on Mango Street. This brief, vignette-style novel includes “My Name” and other pieces in which language, naming, ethnicity, and neighborhood shape a young woman’s emerging sense of self and place.
Alvarez, Julia. “Names/Nombres.” Nuestro Magazine, 1985.
America, Ferrera. “My Identity is My Superpower – Not An Obstacle.” Ted Talk. June 21, 2019.
If You Have Time:
Moss-Coane, Marty. The power of beliefs and how they shape our behavior. The Connection on NRP. Nir Eyal on how our assumptions drive our behavior. June 19, 2026.
Zouner, Michele. “Crying in H. Mart.” The New Yorker, August 20, 2018.
Viren, Sarah. “It’s Not Personal: Sarah Viren on Essayistic Visions of the Self.” Literary Hub, June 13, 2023.
Listen: Krys Boyd “Think.” The surprising reason people name their cars.
Listen: Boomer Talk, Real Talk About Aging Well, The Language of Aging: How Words Shape Our Identity.
Listen: “I Am What I Am,” Gloria Gaynor.
Evans, Virginia. The Correspondent. (Crown, 2025). Sybil Van Antwerp is a 73-year-old woman who lives a quiet, orderly life centered on writing letters. Readers gradually uncover her past, regrets, estrangements, and changes in her identity as she corresponds with various people.
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
Tell stories about your names and nicknames (e.g. “Mom,” “Boss,” “Grandpa”). How have you resisted or embraced labels?
Notice which names you would or would not want in your obituary and why. Notice how names and labels have shaped your sense of belonging and exclusion.
People have been using various pronouns with their email signatures among other places (he/she; they/them, etc.). Why? What is the relevance of these pronouns to a person’s identity?
Continue drafting your literary work.
Optional Film Showing:
Sentimental Value is a 2025 drama film by Joachim Trier about two sisters, Nora and Agnes, pulled back into contact with their estranged father, Gustav, a once-famous filmmaker. The story centers on family estrangement, memory, and the uneasy relationship between art and personal life. Or, The Father. (2021). A man refuses his daughter's assistance as he ages. As he tries to make sense of his changing circumstances, he begins to doubt his loved ones, his own mind, and the fabric of his reality. Star: Anthony Hopkins.
Session 3: Performed
Identity changes with retirement, caregiving, loss, and aging.
Readings:
Sedaris, David. The Land and Its People. (Little, Brown & Co., 2026). This essay collection is about travel, aging, identity, family, and caregiving, filtered through Sedaris’ usual sharp, funny, and slightly dark voice. It follows him as he cares for his partner Hugh, travels to places like Guatemala, Kenya, and Vatican City, and reflects on mortality and everyday absurdities.
Sedaris, David. “Now We Are Five.” In Sedaris, David. Calypso. (Little, Brown and Co., 2018), pp. 15-31. Also found in The New Yorker.
Walker, Alice. “Everyday Use.” Harper’s Magazine, April 1973.
Brooks, David. “The New Old Age,” The Atlantic. August 25, 2023.
If You Have Time:
Goffman, Erving. “The Presentation of Self.” Excerpt.
Tennant, Mark Cameron. “Chapter 3: Past, Present, and Future.” In Tennant, Mark Cameron. Identity and Aging: ‘Learning to Be’ As An Older Adult. (Routledge, 2020). PP. 24-39.
Hauser, C.J. “The Crane Wife.” The Paris Review, July 11, 2019.
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
Who were you at 3? 30? Who are you now?
To what extent have you experienced ageism, i.e., prejudice, discrimination, or stereotyping based on your age? If so, what was your experience, and how did you react? Include personal interactions, policies, and practices that disadvantage people because of age and age-related cultural stereotypes and assumptions.
If you could magically remove all the roles you've played in your life (like parent and professional) and all the major life events that have happened to you, would there be a you left? If so, what would that be?
Continue drafting your literary work.
Optional Film Showing:
About Schmidt. About Schmidt is a 2002 dark comedy-drama about Warren Schmidt, a newly retired insurance actuary who feels lost after leaving work and his wife's sudden death. As he travels in an RV to attend his daughter’s wedding, he confronts loneliness, regret, and the meaning of his life.
Session 4: Embodied
How have illness, aging bodies, and appearance affected your identity?
Readings and More:
Lamott, Anne. “On Aging.” O. The Oprah Magazine. October, 2003.
Cuddy, Amy. Your Body Language May Shape Who You Are. Ted Talk. October 1, 2012.
Febos, Melissa. “The Wild, Sublime Body.” The Yale Review, Mar 2021.
If You Have Time:
Gawande, Atul. “The Way We Age Now.” The New Yorker, April 20, 2007.
Listen: Growing Older Together | Facing Fears. Embracing Resilience
Listen: “Hair,” Lady Gaga; Listen: “Swing For The Fences,” Elton John, Brandi Carlile.
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
When does your internal sense of self clash most with external expectations or perceptions of you?
What has your body taught you about who you are, and are not? What is one way you’re taking care of your body now that expresses who you are?
What happens to our identities when others see us as frail or dependent?
Why is loneliness considered by many healthcare professionals as a crisis?
What parts of your identity feel essential and enduring, and which parts have changed or faded as you’ve grown older?
Continue drafting literary work.
Session 5: Community
How do you see yourself as part of others, e.g. family, partners, friends, communities?
Readings:
Backman, Fredrick. A Man Called Ove. An isolated, rule-bound widower is gradually re-seen and re-shaped by neighbors, revealing how community, being needed, and being known transform an older adult’s identity. This story discusses being seen versus being mis-seen. Watch one or both films based on the book: A Man Called Ove; A Man Called Otto.
Morrison, Toni. “Recitatif.” [The book has an introduction by Zadie Smith].
Brandes, Rebekah. 6 Reasons Being a Fan Is Good for You, According to Science. Nice News, 8/30/25.
If You Have Time:
Sante, Lucy. I Heard Her Call My Name: A Memoir of Transition. (Penguin, 2024). A longtime critic and historian recounts her late-life gender transition, coming out as a trans woman in her mid‑60s after decades of “impersonating a man.” Braiding scenes from her Belgian childhood and immigrant youth with the step‑by‑step unfolding of transition in 2021 and after, she reflects on identity, belonging, estrangement, and the unexpected serenity of finally living in alignment with herself.
Listen: “Let Me Be Myself,” by 3 Doors Down; Listen: “My Way,” Frank Sinatra
Nakajima, Yohei. “How AI will help us connect with ourselves and each other.” Ted Talk. October 2023.
Wallace, Benjamin. The Revenge of the Philosophy Majors. The New York Times, July 5, 2026.
Joseph, Jeena. “The algorithmic self: How AI is reshaping human identity, introspection, and agency.” Frontiers in Psychology. 7/11/25.
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
“Belonging is a practice that requires us to be vulnerable, get uncomfortable, and learn how to be present with people without sacrificing who we are.” (Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection. (Random House, 2020; p. 159). Write about a time when you felt you belonged. Write about a time when you felt you were fitting in and did not belong.
When have you felt most yourself with another person? Why?
To what extent do you consider yourself a fan? Why?
When did your understanding of yourself conflict with how you presented yourself to others? Also, tell a brief story of a time someone misread you—and what you did with that experience. Or, when have others told a story about you that you didn’t recognize?
To what extent does editing our stories mean losing authenticity?
Continue drafting your literary work.
Session 6: Life Stories
In this final session, we pull together the threads from our readings and discussions. We'll spend most of our time listening to and reflecting on one another's obituaries, essays, or other literary works —the culmination of our ongoing assignments.
Readings:
We’ll read aloud one or two poems from Victoria Chang’s Obit.
If You Have Time:
Listen: “All Kinds of Kinds,” by Miranda Lambert
Questions, discussion prompts, actions:
What is meant by leaving a legacy?
To what extent is leaving a legacy a form of immortality, an ego trip, or critical for intergenerational learning?
How might we rebuild identity after loss, crises, and other significant life changes?
